Sound From : http://www.manythings.org/jokes/


A: "I was born in California."
B: "Which part?"
A: "All of me."
A: "Excuse me. Do you know the way to the zoo?"
B: "No, I'm sorry I don't."
A: "Well, it's two blocks this way, then one block to the left."



Q: What has many keys but can't open any doors?
A: A piano.
Q: Can a kangaroo jump higher than the Empire State Building?
A: Yes, because the Empire State Building can't jump!



In the classroom the teacher is asking a student to do something.
Teacher: Tell me a sentence that starts with "I."
Student: I is the ...
Teacher: Stop! Never put "is" after "I." Always put 'am' after "I."
Student: OK. I am the ninth letter of the alphabet



A: John says I'm pretty. Andy says I'm ugly. What do you think, Peter?
B: I think you are pretty ugly.
Insulting someone is often considered funny, especially when that person is fishing for a complement.
NOTE: pretty ugly = very ugly



A: Doctor, will I be able to play the piano after the operation.
B: Yes, of course.
A: Great. I never could before.



An elementary school teacher sends this note to all parents on the first day of school.
"If you promise not to believe everything your child says happens at school,
I will promise not to believe everything your child says happens at home.



Q: What starts with E, ends with E and only has one letter?
A: An envelope.
Q: If you drop a white hat into the Red Sea, what does it become?
A: Wet.
Q: What do you call a boomerang that won't come back?
A: A stick.
Q: What is white when it's dirty and black when it's clean?
A: A blackboard.



Q: What does a ghost eat for dessert?
A: I scream. (Ice cream)
Q: Where does a ghost mail his letters?
A: At the ghost office. (Post office)
Q: What did the ghost mail home while on vacation?
A: Ghostcards. (Post cards)
Q: What amusement park ride does a ghost like best?
A: The roller ghoster. (Roller coaster)
Q: What do you say to a ghost with three heads?
A: Hello, hello, hello.
Q: What's the difference between a ghost and a butcher?
A: One stays awake and the other weighs a steak.
If you have some free time, try this Idioms and Proverbs for Halloween Quiz by Donna Tatsuki.
http://a4esl.org/q/j/dt/mc-halloween2.html



The teacher says: Today, we're going to talk about the tenses. Now, if I say "I am beautiful," which tense is it?
The student says: Obviously it's the past tense.
NOTES:
Present Tense: I am beautiful.
Past Tense: I was beautiful.
This is funny because the teacher isn't beautiful now, but maybe she was beautiful when she was younger.
http://iteslj.org/c/jokes.html



Two factory workers are talking.
The woman says, "I can make the boss give me the day off."
The man replies, "And how would you do that?"
The woman says, "Just wait and see." She then hangs upside-down from the ceiling.
The boss comes in and says, "What are you doing?"
The woman replies, "I'm a light bulb."
The boss then says, "You've been working so much that you've gone crazy. I think you need to take the day off."
The man starts to follow her and the boss says, "Where are you going?"
The man says, "I'm going home, too. I can't work in the dark."